Sixers

My Best Friend Kyrie Irving Wants to Know Why We Pay to Live on Earth

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Jun 13th, 2022 · 3:51 PM EDT

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Kyrie Irving asking the same questions on a Monday morning that you and your roommate asked in your college dorm after getting back from class and immediately hitting the bong:

I thought Mother Earth belonged to the people. Why am I paying to live here? 🤷🏾‍♂️

Oh let me guess, “because that’s just how things are”.

Lol FOH

— Chief Hélà 🤞🏾 (@KyrieIrving) June 13, 2022

Kyrie sitting in his Williamsburg flat right before pressing ‘Send Tweet’:

https://twitter.com/CBroadBurner/status/1536395328710123524?s=20&t=H7K4lfDhmWg_JZfJKUPpIQ

Look, I know more than anybody that Kyrie always wants people to keep an open mind:

Part time basketball player Kyrie Irving telling people to have an open mind pic.twitter.com/boVpc9kTVC

— Crossing Broad (@CrossingBroad) March 11, 2022

Even if that means he doesn’t want to keep one himself when it directly affects his team:

Kyrie Irving as a Net
Games played 103
Games missed 123 https://t.co/kHLsUr96m2

— Tom Haberstroh (@tomhaberstroh) April 26, 2022

But why do we pay to live on Mother Earth? Wouldn’t it be awesome if they just gave us houses and gas and food all for free like it was a basic human right? I’m sure the answer lies somewhere between the millions of years of societal classes, land ownership, and even in our own chemical makeup. People way smarter than me will have to answer that. But I will say Kyrie is more than welcome to go live in the woods. Hell, the Nets would probably barely even notice if he was gone. It’s just a weird thing to say when you’re about to sign a $245 million extension and money isn’t an object to you. And if it didn’t cost to live on Earth we’d all still be running around in burlap sacks speaking gibberish and getting burnt by fire like those Amazonian tribes that eat a reporter every couple of years.

You think Kevin Durant avoids smoking weed with Kyrie at all costs? There’s nothing worse than smoking weed with “Philosophy Friend.” Sometimes you just want to smoke a joint and fall into the couch while watching Stranger Things. “Philosophy Friend” wants to find the solution to all of the world’s problems. Hey man, not many Nobel Peace Prize winner’s have speeches that begin with two guys smoking a strain called Purple Monkey Balls on the couch. Let me watch Jackass 2 in peace.